今天和幾個FB group 的女孩談起 domestic violence,我分享了以前寫在部落格的經驗,她們也分享了自己的經驗,我發現我們經驗過的暴力男,都很會情緒勒索。情緒勒索這四個字在這幾年越來越常在網路上看到。最近是在“貴婦奈奈”的部落格讀到的,而且當時有點想寫自己的經驗,但是一忙起來就沒寫了。既然要每天寫,那麼今天就不寫日記,來拿這個為主題吧。

前男友 Tony 是個非常擅長情緒勒索的人。我剛剛翻了翻舊的 email,隨便一篇就有例子:

我們是2014年的八月底開始同居的。這是他在 4/7/15 (第二次動手之後) 寫的:
I won't keep alcohol around when you come back, but I can't promise you that I won't keep punishing myself this week.  I just hope I don't do anything permanent.  This is how it was before you came back.  I had such a sad existence then, but if death and/or alcohol poisoning is what results now, I deserve it because I hurt you.

I'm sorry Pearl.  Just hoping for another chance.

打苦情招,我當時很單純的相信了。那個週末他媽媽就讓他來接我回去。

結果幾個禮拜後就故態復萌,而且不管我做什麼,他都不滿意。這是一個例子:

I wish you would practice calling me more, but you don't.  I spent the morning with Brother E and his wife called him at least three times to let him know what she was up to.  I ask you to do this, but you refuse to comply.

It's like sticking a needle in my heart and you know that, but you enjoying hurting me.  Thus I will purposely make some new female companions when I go out today.  It's my way of getting even.

Anyway, have a good day because I will.  Adios.

可是在那之前,我打電話都找不到人(公司,家裡,手機),所以才用email。而且說真的,我的個性就是比較獨立,不是會一直查勤或一直 check-in 的,但是對他這種沒有安全感的人,就代表我一定不愛他/一定是不忠。那次我受不了,直接回說 I'm not sure what to do anymore.
Last week I called and called, you weren't at {work}, didn't have the {work} phone with you, so I finally left a message on your personal cell phone.  You were upset with me for not e-mailing you. 
So today, knowing that you will be out at a meeting, I e-mailed you. Yet you're not happy with me.  So please tell me what to do, because I don't want to upset you anymore.  Knowing that you're upset with me and thinking that I'm purposely doing so, I'm upset with myself.  It's like I'm walking on egg shells. (粗體和線是現在才加的,當時沒有)  I can't keep taking all the emotional rollercoaster anymore.  

結果他怎麼回?

Lots of emotion here.

Fine.  I'm done.

和他在一起的那一年半,真的是雲霄飛車,尤其在第一次被揍之後。基本上就是:

1. 揍人
2. 我離開(去他媽媽那邊待一個禮拜)
3. 他道歉,保證會改變,保證不再喝酒,他媽媽要我回去他身邊
4. 大概有 2-3 個禮拜的平靜期
5. 不過還是會喝酒,只是會比較少,然後慢慢再增加數量
6. 再開始嫌棄我 (我的個性我的行為我的身材 etc)
7. 暴躁脾氣再現
8. 忍不住再找藉口揍人

從 1 到 8 大概是兩三個月的事情吧。而且每次我離開後,他就開始用情緒勒索的方式要求我回去,尤其是 “妳再不回來,我也沒有活下去的意義” + 他可以讓自己死掉的方式。

他非常的沒有安全感,從一開始就是這樣。所以只要我沒有接他電話,或是沒有馬上回他的 email,他就會開始發脾氣,說我一定是在跟別的男人講話等等。還有,他要我把自己打扮的好看點,但是看到別的男人注意我時,他又要不爽,說我是為了吸引別的男人才刻意打扮,那麼他也要去找別的女人等等。

因為自己經歷過,所以一看到/聽到 “情緒勒索” 這四個字,我馬上就想到前男友的所作所為。

只能說,我很幸運遇到 Minh,一個雖然偶爾回鬧彆扭,但是絕對不會用情緒勒索來對待我,而且愛我又對我很好的好男人。

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