珍珠妹就是我.......

上一次去喪禮﹐是我大伯的喪禮﹐那時我才十六還十七歲吧。他得了癌症﹐治療了很久還是走了。葬禮上大家都哭的很傷心﹐因為大伯很疼我們這些姪女。我哭一哭﹐停一下﹐看到大伯母和堂姊堂哥那麼的傷心﹐又忍不住的掉淚。但是﹐過了十多年﹐沒什麼去想到說生命中可能會有誰會忽然的走。唯一想過的﹐是自己的死。在生命最最低潮時﹐我想過也試過﹐但是終究沒有成功﹐也很慶幸一條小命還留著。當時會那麼傻﹐也是有原因的﹐不過不是今天的主題。

最近我忙的蠟燭兩邊燒。每天下午五點下班後﹐馬上開45分鐘的車到以前的公司打工。每天九點十點才回家﹐回到家繼續工作﹐所以根本沒在上gmail收信﹐一直到今天早上。一早到﹐只有我一個人在辦公室﹐桌上沒什麼馬上要做的事﹐我終於上網收信。我的網路信箱很多﹐光是gmail就有兩個。到第二個信箱時﹐發現有50多封新的﹐但大部份都是垃圾。東刪西刪後﹐只剩兩封是真的信﹕都是以前在費城的上司寫的。我一打開﹐才讀到第二行就愣住了。她是如此寫的﹕

I just copied this message to you since it pretty much says it all.
Sorry it's been so long since we communicated, but thought you'd want to know.
Cynthia Rouso was found dead on Monday in her home.
Only news I have is that she had dinner plans with friends Saturday night.
Didn't show, they called her and got no answer and suspected that she forgot about the plans.
Friends got concerned on Monday when they still couldn't reach her and a friend stopped by her house and found her dead.
Everything has been kept hushed and no one knows the circumstances of her death. Speculation is a heart attack.
Very sad news and I'm sad for her family who live so far away.
I'll watch for arrangements and will pass them on to everyone.
Pearl, I know you saw Cynthia months ago and she kept in touch with you.
You can be sure that your honesty after a terrible situation was appreicated by Cynthia.
Karyen Koerwer passed the news to me. She is contacting Victor today.
Hope all is well with you.
Mare

我把這封信讀了三次﹐我的大腦才終於接受了Mare要告訴我的事。我驚訝的程度實在無法形容。幾個月前Cynthia來加州看妹妹時﹐我還特地開了一個多小時的車去和她們見面吃飯。以前為Cynthia做事時﹐她雖然脾氣不好﹐但是一直很關心我﹐尤其在前男友對我施暴而我帶著傷上班後。她一直鼓勵我站起來﹐告訴我說沒有一個女人該被如此對待。所以前幾個月見到面時﹐她很高興看到我快快樂樂﹐無憂無慮的樣子。
我知道她有輕微的心臟病﹐但她一直都有吃藥﹐所以她身旁的好友都沒想到會忽然病發﹐甚至死亡。她過世時﹐只有一個人和兩隻小貓而已。她的家人都在德州和加州。我想到此﹐忍不住的想哭。雖然我知道每個人都有自己該走的時間﹐而她的時間到了﹔我也知道﹐死亡只是生命的一部分﹐但是我還是會傷心。

May Cynthia rest in peace.